Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
the raccoons are back...
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