Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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