well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm getting married
To pizza
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
