When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
