The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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