I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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