Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
