winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
