Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
