my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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