I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
