Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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