Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
third nipple confirmed
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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