woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
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Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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