u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
