It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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