Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize