do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
