He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
