Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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