you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
