I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
