woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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