My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
