Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
