I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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