We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
