she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
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After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
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I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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