I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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