toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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