omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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