4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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