My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
