and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
