she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
