It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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