do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
