I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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