Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
