It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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