theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
