I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
