Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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