I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize