I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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