Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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