he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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