Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize