I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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