I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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