DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize