Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
