Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
