So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
