his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
