He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
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i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
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I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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