can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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