went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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