the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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