i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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