Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
