he thought i was a dude.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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