the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
